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[merchantprince]

Why is it nobody ever seems happy to see us?
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This is a catch-all post for contacting Varric in driftfleet. Leave the date and method in your subject line while replying.

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[merchantprince]

Chris. He's the captain-- not that anyone listens to him.

[Haha. Varric included.]

That's right.

[wilder]

Chris? That kid's the captain? [Nevermind he's only a year younger than Kaneis] I...guess you could do worse.

[So not his first choice tho. And he thinks, before nodding to himself]

Ino's ship. [He seems to approve of that] She's enough of a busybody that I wouldn't be surprised if she's already feeding and clothing the kid. Sure she'd give status reports if you asked.

[merchantprince]

Yep. To be fair, most of the fleet is kids.

[Varric nods.]

Is that so? I'll go ahead and ask her, but after the way things went down-- somehow I think she won't have a problem doing it either.

[wilder]

Is it? I dunno- it's not nearly as bad as the last place I was in. [Couldn't throw a stick without finding another kid in that place, he swears]

Yeah, she won't. She's a ninja, so don't underestimate her if you piss her off- but she's good people.

[merchantprince]

My entire ship is practically children. Maybe you got lucky?

[He scratches his chin.]

I still don't get what a ninja is, exactly, but I'll make sure not to get on her bad side.

[wilder]

Or you got unlucky.

[Though he's more than okay with not needing to parent any of his crew.]

I'm not surprised, ninjas love their secrecy. Essentially, they're assassins and spies. Except unlike your normal assassins and spies, they take it to a whole other level and consider themselves their own culture. Secret villages, secret names, secret techniques - I dated one who could kill with pieces of paper. Freaky shit, man.

[merchantprince]

Sorry, what? Ninjas can kill with pieces of paper?

[He laughs, half amused and half disbelieving.]

Holy shit.

[wilder]

Yeah, seriously! I've seen it myself! She said that they infuse the paper with power using some sort of seal. But of course, it's a secret art, so I don't know more than that.

[merchantprince]

Of course it's a secret. Can you imagine the kind of havoc caused by authors who can kill with paper?

-- Wait. What happens if it rains?

[wilder]

Heh, I'd be more worried about editors. Think about all the crap they have to proofread- they're bound to go mad sometime.

Uh- [A beat as he thinks about it] I don't know. But she never complained about it...so maybe the seal waterproofs it too?

[merchantprince]

Wouldn't that be a sight? Suddenly all the scholars and editors rising up. A sea of blood beneath a mountain of books.

Incredible.

[He makes a thoughtful noise.]

It's magic. It doesn't have to make sense.

[wilder]

Oh yes. It'd go down in history as the moment when everyone began to fear the chant "i before e"...

[He makes a heh sound]

See, that's where it starts to get even weirder. It's not magic. There's not a single mage among them.

[merchantprince]

[Now THAT makes him laugh, and he needs a second before he can recover.]

Shit. That's good.

[Varric is puzzled, but...]

Right, I think Ino said the same thing. It looks like magic but it's not magic.

Whatever that means.

[wilder]

Good enough to put in a book?

[C'MON HE WANTS HIS WIT TO BE IN A BOOK]

Who knows. I'm pretty sure it's not magic too, but I've given up trying to figure out what it actually is.

[merchantprince]

Don't get ahead of yourself there. You're not a wordsmith yet.

[NOPE.]

Bullshit, that's what it is.

[wilder]

Awww.

[But Varric's remark gets him to make an amused noise]

Now now, Varric, don't go around assuming everything you don't get is magic. It makes you sound like an uneducated peasant from a backwaters world that still worships a sun god.

I mean, unless that's what Thedas does.

[merchantprince]

That's not-- I mean, the Chantry symbol is a sun, but-- shit.

Okay, so maybe Thedas is a little backwater. Just because we don't have fancy light switches doesn't make us stupid though. Just bored. And more prone to murder, apparently.

[wilder]

Is it? [He lets out a "ha" sound] Man, and I was just grasping at sticks there.

But haha- alright. If you say so. Though I haven't heard of a world that isn't prone to murder- so I guess Thedas has company in that?

[merchantprince]

You know what they say: money makes the world go 'round. And time is money. And murder is also money. It's all connected.

[wilder]

Bullshit. Not that many people murder strictly for money. It's not a good business model. How can you make money if everyone's dead? Even most weapon dealers usually try to spin their merchandise as a way to "protect yourself - has a nicer ring than a way to kill people, you know?

Now beliefs and ideals - twist those around enough and those are sure to cause the murder rate to spike.

[merchantprince]

It's a way of thinning the competition! But seriously, there's a lot of murder where I'm from. You stiff someone two hundred sovereigns in a trade deal, they'll turn around and pay three hundred to have you shanked. That's how it is.

That's true... but when the war is over, the underground is still making money. Gotta consider that.

[wilder]

Really, huh? [He doesn't sound fazed, assassinations is just the thing in Tethe'alla] So what's the most anyone's paid out to have you shanked?

Yeah, but think about it- the Underground's hellbent on making money because it's their belief that's what important, right? Either for their own greed, or because the money is going for something they have beliefs in. Why else would they go through that trouble? It's just shiny coins at the end of the day- right?

[merchantprince]

Something around... eight hundred sovereigns? [He shrugs.] A lot of people want me dead. Obviously I'm still here, so none of them were able to make it happen. What a shame.

[Varric doesn't mind philosophical discussions. He's thought about it a lot himself.]

Hmm... yeah, I see it. Greed is definitely the biggest motivator for people. Like the Guild... and the Carta... and pretty much everyone. Never really thought of it as a belief though. But it is.

[wilder]

[He makes an impressed whistle] Wow, nice job! You should see if you can get that up to four digits next.

[he gives a heh sound]

Ha- yep. The belief that makes the world go round or whatever. [a beat] Not sure how well that expression works in space.

[merchantprince]

You know, that's not a bad idea. If nothing else I'll be a thousand sovereigns richer.

[He pauses too.]

I'm not sure either. Maybe we should make up new sayings.